I recently had a friend that came back from a top agent conference a little depressed because this conference was a few days of recognizing him and his peers for their great success. I thought, “What is wrong with that?” He told me that hearing all of the stories from his peers of money, success, etc., made him feel a little “inadequate” in his own life and personal production. My conversation with him prompted this article.
I’m sure, like many of you, when I was a little kid I would look at grown-ups and think that they all had it all figured out. They had all been there and done that and had everything firmly established and planted into the ground. My parents and grandparents always seemed to have the answers to the questions that I thought were complex at the time. They had so much knowledge. They would talk about “10 years ago this“ and “20 years ago that“ and I could not comprehend thinking back that far. Ten or twenty years ago seemed like a lifetime at the time. It also “seemed” like they had very little stress.
Well, once I got into my early twenties, got married, had bills coming in, and we started building our own lives, I started to realize that there is no roadmap to life, no roadmap to career success, and no roadmap to financial independence. You don’t graduate with a college degree and automatically find yourself in the corner office making $1 million per year and everything is fine at work and fine at home.
For all of us—me, you, our parents—this is our first time at life. Breaking news, I know! And because it is all of our “first times,” nobody has the playbook! My parents didn’t have it all “figured out” and they were probably stressed at times, they just didn’t tell us kids! I am now at the age that my parents were when I thought they had everything on cruise control. I even grunt like my dad did when I get up off the couch!
A very vivid realization of the “randomness” in life came when I was 23. At the time, I worked at one of the big “career” insurance companies and on one beautiful fall day I was going about my morning and carrying my coffee into the office in time to make the 8:30 CST stock market open. As I walked by one of the offices of another agent in that building, he said, “Dude, check this out!” Then he pointed at the TV that showed the world trade center in flames. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was that moment when many of our foundational beliefs changed. For the younger folks reading this article, believe it or not, there was a time when getting attacked on our own soil was so far outside of the realm of possibilities. Not just in my 23-year-old eyes, but in the eyes of those wiser than me. In other words, it was the first time any of us had ever experienced this new post 9/11 world. That is something your parents never prepared you for!
Then came COVID. Who would have ever thought that a global pandemic would completely cannibalize all of our lives in the 21st century? That was a first for all of us, whether you were 20 years of age or 70.
If you fast forward to today, I have been married for 23 years now and raising two smart, happy, and athletic kids. I would like to think that my kids have it a little better than I had it, although I had a good childhood. However, now that I am the age that my parents were when I thought they had it all figured out, I realize that they didn’t have it figured out and they were doing the best that they could!
I recently had a conversation with my 16-year-old kid that was a “first” for me. His girlfriend had just broken up with him, and he was very upset. My wife told me I needed to speak with him and make him feel better. I was scared. It was indeed an awkward conversation, because I am not a real warm and fuzzy person. As I was having that conversation I thought, “I probably sound like an idiot.” It worked though. By the end of the conversation, his ex-girlfriend was a dirtbag who would regret it, I was his hero, and my kid felt better. A little sarcasm there. I’m 45-years-old and that conversation was a first for me. To my son, he probably thought that this is what Dads naturally do without thinking about it.
What on earth does this have to do with business? It has everything to do with business because this is all of our first time at life and business. Yes, some of us may have opened multiple businesses, etc., but when you pan out, it is our first time, period. My main message here is, if you ever feel overwhelmed or feel “inadequate” compared to your competition, just know that they probably feel the same way. As soon as you realize that everybody else is in the same position as you, your confidence will go up.
As I told my friend that I mentioned at the beginning, like with social media, in this business there can be people that make it sound like things are perfect in their world, they make a gazillion dollars, and everything is good. That may be the case sometimes but many times they have similar challenges and insecurities as you might have.
Have you ever heard that motivational speaker talk about their three divorces, their previous bankruptcy, the fact that they are in debt up to their eyeballs, etc.? Of course not! According to that person everything is perfect, they have it figured out, and you should buy their book. Although I’m being facetious here, nobody has it all figured out. This is one of the reasons why I tend to not “idolize” celebrities. This is their first time at life as well and they clearly do not have it figured out.
I would even argue that the more driven you are, the less you feel that you have it figured out. However, sometimes you just have to sit back and understand that we are all brothers and sisters in this game, and nobody has it figured out. Once you understand that nobody has it figured out, it makes you a heck of a lot less nervous in life. That will also lead to more confidence.
Yes, there are folks that have more experience and “wisdom” than you because they have already blazed the trail that you are attempting. Thus, it is important to mop up as much information from them as possible, as I did with my mentors, parents, etc. over the years. However, don’t assume that they felt confident as they were doing it. This is all of our first time.
Specialists Trading In Antonyms
When I was 11 years old, I inherited two things from a 14-year-old neighbor kid named Bill:
Bill asked me to take over his bird and his route because he and his family were moving away. I never cared much for Bill. My friends and I called him “Pigeon-toed Monkey Vomit.” He was a scholarly type, wore glasses, and was an only child. (I regret not being more kind to him.)
Clancy seemed lonely and led to the acquisition of a second parakeet. They pretty much hated each other. Neither of them lived more than a few years under my care.
The paper route, on the other hand, set me up pretty well financially. I had 80 customers spread across two sprawling neighborhoods divided from one another by a highway named Winola Road.
The Scranton Tribune was the morning newspaper I delivered to these houses. It cost $1.10 per week back then. When it came time to collect the payments, I walked the same route, but instead of it being 5:00 AM when I started out each morning delivering papers, I showed up at dinner time when I knew most people would be home.
Many, if not all, customers tipped me. That was how I earned money. Rather than give me a dollar and look around for a dime, many customers just gave me two one-dollar bills.
At the end of my second year, at age 12, I had $2,500 in my personal account at First Federal Savings. Being twelve, I walked into their building one afternoon and demanded to see all my money, in cash (specifically in $20 bills, stacked five to a pile, and in 25 piles) on the counter. The first teller balked. And a second. Then finally someone with some clout stepped up and met my demands.
All of this seems other worldly, like part of a story that only exists in history books or fiction. Consider these anomalies from life as we know it today:
Point: Like all things, financial behaviors, commerce, and money matters inevitably, and unpredictably, change over time.
Uprooted
A colleague of mine is planning to purchase rural space in order to create a study center where individuals can reconnect to nature, the land, and to the significance of farming in human life. He describes people as being “deracinated.” This adjective is defined as “uprooted” from one’s natural world, home, culture, or similar environment. “Uprooted” means to be ripped out of place.
In a certain sense, if we live long enough, we are all deracinated from the way things used to be. (Think of my paper route example.)
I am acquainted with many people serving Ukrainian refugees who are dispersed throughout Eastern and Western Europe.
One such person, Donna, is caring for these dear souls currently living in Croatia. I enjoy receiving her newsletters. She empathizes with the refugees, saying of herself (and all of us) “We are all living in exile, trying to find meaning in a place other than home yet longing to return.”
Donna writes: “Exile is when you live in one land, and dream of another. It gives a discomforting disconnect between our memories and our fundamental sense of who we are and the reality of a new identity we have to construct.”
Independent Financial Professionals (IFPs) Serve the Uprooted
Anna Helhoski wrote an article for the web site Nerdwallet, published Mar 7, 2023, and entitled Pandemic at 3 Years: How Our Financial Lives Have Changed.1 Consider her observations:
The financial lives of our clients no longer look like they did just a few years ago. Compared to when an independent financial professional (IFP) and a client historically met for the first time, almost nothing is what it was back then. Clients have literally been ripped out of place, uprooted, in terms of the physical location where they once worked, lived, traveled to, invested, bought cars, dined, or shopped.
In addition, if in a subtle way, people are even uprooted in how they view money. Today’s digital world influences how clients make financial decisions.
The increased use of electronic payments is changing how clients value money. The more removed they become from their money, the less they may think about how much they’re spending and saving.
Point: The IFP serves a clientele that, to a remarkable extent, works, spends, saves, and invests very differently than just a few years ago. They are financially deracinated.
Welcome the Antonym
For every word there are useful synonyms, other words that have the same, or similar meanings. Example: “Extirpated” is very similar to uprooted and deracinated.
On the other hand, for every word there are multiple words carrying the opposite meaning. These antonyms are the essence of how best to combat the impact of the word they oppose.
Here are some antonyms that are shared between “uproot” and “deracinate:”
IFPs Help Clients to Build, Create, Establish
Change is often unnoticeable. We roll into disruptions slowly, and pay little attention to what is different.
Post Pandemic there are many things that IFPs can help their clients to build or rebuild, including:
IFPs Can Put in, Help
IFPs are equipped to help clients take recovery one step at a time. The IFP can put the client in the right frame of mind. Oftentimes, the client has simply lost perspective. We know that primary-aged children experienced educational setbacks during the Pandemic. Similarly, small businesses, families, and individuals experienced financial setbacks. Fresh perspectives are required in order to:
IFPs Can Ratify, Remain, Leave Alone
Whenever a person survives an upheaval, a perilous moment, or disruption, they emerge wondering what is the same, what needs to receive attention, and what can be left as is. Consider the clients who are wondering if:
By sitting down with a seasoned IFP, they can receive reassurance, ratification, and confidence that the insurance owned is still the right coverage, the beneficiaries are still the correct designation, and that executors and guardians remain the proper selection.
Professional IFPs Welcome, Plant, Sow
Spring follows Winter. Bare fields are again resown with fresh seeds in order to grow another crop. On the other hand, for sustainable farming, crops must be varied and rotated.
Clients often need to have their hands held if they are going to make fresh starts, major changes, or significant goal adjustments. The IFP can welcome the clients to new ways of seeing their lives in the context of their financial circumstances. For instance:
Summary
The financial lives of our clients no longer look like they did just a few years ago. As an IFP you serve a clientele that, to a remarkable extent, works, spends, saves, and invests very differently than just a few years ago. These clients are financially deracinated.
The antidote is the antonym.
Thinking back to Donna working with Ukrainian refugees living now in Croatia. To combat the feelings of displacement, and uprootedness, Donna led the children in a new direction: “In Croatia, we have delightful times offering craft projects and playing with outside summer toys. For a group that has known deep trauma, toys such as frisbees, beach balls, bubbles, and water squirt guns brought great joy, and physical exercise.”
In their financial lives many clients have never experienced the rapid changes of the last several years. There is a whole spectrum of actions that the IFP can urge their clients to take, and the IFP can be creative. While some clients may face some very hard choices, the experienced IFP is equipped with the skills to combat the feelings of uprootedness.
“One can remain more sure-footed by taking small steps, but perhaps achieve greater speed by taking bigger steps. Of course, one also runs the risk of setting out in a completely erroneous direction. Surely the important thing isn’t the length of our steps, but that the objective is clear.” —Angela Merkel
The seasoned IFP can help clients regain their footing and reorient themselves to the proper objectives. All it takes is a handful of antonyms.
Footnotes:
1. https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/what-did-the-pandemic-change.