Recently I read a quote in an article by a respected local writer in my community that rang so true. It said, “We have all drunk from wells we did not dig and warmed by fires we did not build.” Much of what I am going to share in this article is a reflection of the wisdom and knowledge I have gathered on my life’s journey from some very dear people I am blessed to call friends, as well as respected colleagues in our great business.
While in Cincinnati this past week I heard a statement that I have heard many times before. However, this time it rang true for me in a new and most powerful way. I suspect that it did so because I suffer from what is called “divine dissatisfaction.”
“Divine dissatisfaction” is that which keeps us going, always reaching out for unattainable goals, for only by so reaching will we attain what—hidden from us—are God’s goals.
The statement that hit me so hard right between the eyes was: The two most important days in our life are the day we are born and the day we figure out why.
How unbelievably powerful that is!
I have been blessed to have had a long and winding journey in our industry, as my bio points out. Clearly, one could read it and conclude, the man can’t keep a job! I have thought that about my journey many times myself. During my career, I have faced and made what I consider to have been monumental decisions. They have ranged from should I go into management? To should I leave company A for company B? Should I leave a home office job that I love for what could be a better opportunity? Perhaps the biggest decision came in 2006 when I decided that if I didn’t take the leap to form my own company—a lifelong secret desire and dream—perhaps I never would.
Owning my own business seemed so glorious and grand! Yet what I have learned as a business owner is that payroll, rent and marketing overhead are challenges that must be met before I can pay myself. I have learned by necessity that I cannot be greedy and that I have to work harder than ever before. Looking back, as we all sometimes do with the benefit of hindsight, I might have done things differently and certainly my life would have been different if I had. But as a good friend likes to remind me—I have to stop hoping for a better past.
My previous columns have discussed how we effectively use generic direct mail in our marketing and how we turn the responders into clients. It is a process or system that we have followed and it has helped me to achieve MDRT Court of the Table production levels. It was born from necessity (the mother of invention) and it works.
There is something for me, however, that is much more important—much more meaningful than achieving the limited amount of success that we have had. I have learned that the “divine dissatisfaction” is ever present in me still, but for a multitude of different reasons. Since reaching the age of 55, I have found myself thinking more and more about whether or not the second day of the two most important days in my life has arrived—and I believe it has.
I believe in my heart of hearts that we are all here for a reason, a purpose, as some like to say. While I have pondered what mine might be from time to time, as I get older it has become clear to me exactly what that is.
Without going into too much detail about the journey here, suffice it to say for this article that I have struggled with so many of the same problems and fears that many of the people I meet in our business have told me in quiet conversations they are struggling with as well.
Most prevalent among these is fear. Do I even belong in this business? Will I make it? Do I really believe in what I’m selling when there are so many naysayers trying to convince my clients and prospects that what I sell is no good for them? I have feared that my clients who have accumulated more than I would see me as a fraud. I have feared that I didn’t know everything about everything and, therefore, I was not qualified to offer advice on anything.
On a personal level, I have feared that my eating and, though a long time ago, my drinking habits, were not consistent with the person, the inner self we all know we can be if and when we overcome this or that one issue. I have felt inadequate when discussing my production with others who produce so much more than me, leading me to affirm my internal fears.
Have you ever felt that way? Do you feel it now?
Here’s the conclusion that I have come to. My purpose, and one of the reasons I choose to take the time to write for this magazine from time to time, is that I have a desire to be of service to others and nothing more.
I want to help my clients, but equally important to me is that I want to help other advisors. And it really isn’t very hard if I take the time to listen. My favorite prayer, the prayer of St. Francis, calls me not to seek to be understood so much as to understand.
By learning to listen better and talk less when I meet with my clients and prospects, they are able to open up and share the deeper concerns they have, not only their financial life, but also how it impacts the rest of their lives as well. When I do speak, I want to ask deeper questions before I discuss their situation and, when I do, the one thing I want them to know is that they are not alone and that I’ve been there, too.
Many of us become uneasy when it comes to discussing things of a spiritual nature. Recently, however, I have found myself quietly thanking God (as I understand God) that I have been exposed to some of the greatest and most creative minds in our business and in my life, who beyond anything else have taught me that my “divine dissatisfaction” really is okay. It will keep me striving to learn, to be better at what I do and allow me to chase my dreams.
I will never forget that while ultimately the spiritual side of selling is more important for me than the money, I have permission and a responsibility to be as successful as my talents and ethics will take me. They are not mutually exclusive.
So what is the spiritual side of selling? For me it’s about forgetting about the commissions and the fees in the larger picture and focusing on leaving a large log on the fire and some water in the well. I share that fire with all of you, and I drink the water from the same well. And if you will allow me, God bless you, and good selling.
