“Good fiction creates empathy. A novel takes you somewhere and asks you to look through the eyes of another person, to live another life.”1 —Barbara Kingsolver
Over the years I have heard many people cite the fact that the Bible frequently talks about money. Depending on the translation you use, there are as many as 2300 verses that reference money, wealth, or possessions. You may be familiar with some of these:
- “The borrower is a slave to the lender.” Proverbs 22:7
- “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.”1 Timothy 6:10
- “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35
The Bible of course is literature. It turns out, money is a vast topic in many forms of literature (second only to love, perhaps).
There would not be literature without people, nor would there be money.
To succeed in the financial services business, a business about money, we must first understand people. To understand people, we must collect stories about them. Humans are not predictable and determinative like algebraic equations. Human lives display “narrativeness.”
To apply knowledge about the human experience we need both to read about people in the form of stories, and also share what we learn from those stories.
Question: Are you reading fiction, whether short stories or novels? Are you gathering stories to help you better understand your clients?
Gaining Financial Education through Fiction
I came across an intriguing paragraph while reading articles posted on Knowledge@Wharton, an online business journal of the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.
“When you read a great novel and engage with its characters, you sense from within what it is like to be someone else. You see the world from the perspective of a different social class, gender, religion, culture, sexual orientation, moral understanding, or other features that define and differentiate human experience. By living a character’s life vicariously, you not only feel what she feels, but also reflect on those feelings, consider the nature of the actions to which they lead and, with practice, acquire the wisdom to appreciate actual people in all their complexity.”2
Fiction, when well-written, helps us to understand real people by first seeing the world through the experience of fictional characters. Such insights are as necessary in financial services as in any discipline. If we are not equipped to understand what motivates people, how can we possibly grasp their limitations, clearly see their problems, or recommend appropriate solutions? People do not always act rationally or, seemingly, even in their own self-interest.
This is the point Barbara Kingsolver made. Empathy is necessary to successfully build a trusting clientele.
Sometimes we need empathy to understand the collective actions of an entire people. (Macro.) Usually, we need empathy to better understand the individual people we meet. (Micro.)
Macro View
Consider the Brexit vote. People on that occasion seemingly voted against their own economic self-interest. This could have been foreseen by economists who were familiar with Dostoevsky’s Notes from Underground, in which he astutely observes that human beings will sometimes willingly act against their self-interest precisely to demonstrate their unpredictability.
“To care only for well-being seems to me positively ill-bred. Whether it is good or bad, it is sometimes very pleasant, too, to smash things.”3
Micro View
First Example: Edith Wharton was born Edith Newbold Jones on January 24, 1862. As a novelist and author of short stories, she “drew upon her insider’s knowledge of the upper-class New York aristocracy to realistically portray the lives and morals of the Gilded Age.”4 The expression, “Keeping up with the Joneses,” is said to refer to her father’s family. Wharton was the first woman to win the Pulitzer Prize in Literature, for her novel The Age of Innocence. Her novel The Custom of The Country provides insight into a behavior still common today. Insatiable greed.
The novel’s subject is Undine Spragg, a beautiful, vain, spoiled, ambitious, and selfish woman. Undine feels entitled to live a luxurious lifestyle and she intends to live it to the fullest. Her indulgent overspending leads to marital stress and financial strain.
“She had everything she wanted, but she still felt, at times, that there were other things she might want if she knew about them.”5
Second example: Honoré de Balzac wrote a series of some 90 novels and novellas collectively known as The Human Comedy. The books that made up the series were published between 1829 and 1847. Eugénie Grandet is one such novel first published in 1833. The novel is a provocative, entertaining, moral tale about avarice and stinginess that remains astonishingly relevant.
Honoré de Balzac was no stranger to the tyranny of money. He studied law and philosophy but to his family’s dismay (some things never change) he settled on a literary career, in which he was not initially successful. He failed in his publishing and business ventures and landed in debt. He wrote at a feverish pitch, fueled by gallons of coffee, and an urge to be financially successful.
In Eugénie Grandet we meet Felix Grandet, a master cooper, who married the daughter of a wealthy timber merchant. This took place when the French Republic had confiscated the lands owned by the Catholic Church. Felix Grandet auctioned his wife’s dowry in order to buy substantial property. At this time, his only daughter, Eugénie, was ten years old. Soon more wealth fell into Grandet’s lap by way of inheritance of the estates of his mother-in-law, grandfather-in-law, and grandmother.
With all this wealth, he was an unhappy miser. No one but his banker was invited into the house. Wealth made him powerful, but not generous.
“The miser does not believe in a life to come; the present is everything for him.”
Other novels explore similar important financial lessons:
- “Money doesn’t buy happiness.” Read more about the depth of this truth in The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
- “You cannot count on an inheritance.” This is graphically depicted in The Nest, by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney.
- “Only fools treat their money with childish contempt.” This, and other valuable lessons are learned from reading , by J.D. Salinger.
- “Spend within your means, or misery will ensue.” Like the reality of this experience, this subtle lesson is discovered in Gustave Flauebert’s Madame Bovary.
Fairy Tale and Fable View
Aesop’s Fables are so prized as a source of proper moral and practical education (including financial education) that the entire collection is available free on a website hosted by the Library of Congress.6 Consider The Miser and His Gold:
“A Miser had buried his gold in a secret place in his garden. Every day he went to the spot, dug up the treasure and counted it piece by piece to make sure it was all there. He made so many trips that a Thief, who had been observing him, guessed what it was the Miser had hidden, and one night quietly dug up the treasure and made off with it.”
The Miser valued the gold so much that he continually wrapped his arms around it and whispered his affections for it. His world revolved around it.
“When the Miser discovered his loss, he was overcome with grief and despair. He groaned and cried and tore his hair.
A passerby heard his cries and asked what had happened.
‘My gold! O my gold!’ cried the Miser, wildly, ‘someone has robbed me!’
‘Your gold! There in that hole? Why did you put it there? Why did you not keep it in the house where you could easily get it when you had to buy things?’
‘Buy!’ screamed the Miser angrily. ‘Why, I never touched the gold. I couldn’t think of spending any of it.’
The stranger picked up a large stone and threw it into the hole.
‘If that is the case,’ he said, ‘cover up that stone. It is worth just as much to you as the treasure you lost!’”
The Moral: “A possession is worth no more than the use we make of it.” In other words, wealth for the sake of itself—merely for bragging rights—is worthless.
Aphorisms and Maxims
The writings of Benjamin Franklin (under the pseudonym Poor Richard) often tackled topics of money and business. Entitled Poor Richard’s Almanack, this collection contains many truths that are simple to use when instructing clients.
Examples:
- “Rather go to bed supperless than rise in debt.” Franklin had a great disdain for being in debt. In those days, if you were in debt, the whole town knew it. He would rather be hungry than owe money.
- “Tis easier to suppress the first desire than to satisfy all that follow it.” Franklin compared “Wants vs. Needs.” Fighting the urge to spend money makes it easier to suppress future desires to spend.
- “For age and want, save while you may; No morning sun lasts a whole day.” There is no time like the present to begin saving for old age and times of need.
- “Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.” Franklin knew that little things add up. Spending just $1.50 per day, five days a week, for fifty-two weeks = $360!
Summary
A successful independent financial professional is someone who seeks to understand people. To gain this understanding requires reading stories, nourishing empathy, and listening closely to the client. None of us will live long enough to gain the wisdom that humanity collectively has accumulated. This collective wisdom is found in novels, short stories, fables, and aphorisms.
Clients deserve the wisest advice we can give. That wise advice is readily available—if only we will read.
References:
- https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/novel-quotes.
- https://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/could-a-bit-of-tolstoy-and-austen-improve-economic-forecasting/.
- Notes from Underground, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Vintage; Reprint edition (August 30, 1994).
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edith_Wharton.
- The Custom of the Country, Edith Wharton, page 362, Bantam Classics; Later Printing edition (May 1, 1991).
- http://read.gov/aesop/112.html.
EQ=2xTC
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Adore
Adore who?
Adore is between you and me so please open up!
I have a small extended family. In my family growing up I had two sisters. While one sister (deceased) never had children, my other sister has four (two girls and two boys). My wife also grew up in a family of three children. She has two brothers. Her one brother never had children, and her other brother did not first marry until into his fifties, to a woman who had three daughters. We really do not have relationships with these young women.
Effectively, I have two nieces and two nephews.
One of my nephews recently observed, “I think we’ve all always known that our family and your family were very different from each other—having different beliefs, different temperaments, even a different socio/economic status.” He is correct. The way our families behave is quite different. We previously gathered as one large family every now and again, especially at Christmas when the children were growing up, but that ceased when the glue of our family—Grandma (my Mom)—passed from this earth in December, 2015.
Since then I have used texting as a means of keeping in contact with my nieces and nephews. In sorting through old files I discovered drawings they had given me, when they were young, as well as letters and cards. I scanned these and texted these images to them. In addition, I frequently texted photos of my family members, shared what I was up to, and passed along quotes from what I was reading.
In my mind, I was being an uncle who wanted to stay connected.
Ann Landers once said, “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” True! And trusting your own opinion of yourself is even more unreliable!
Wake Up Time
In August of 2020 I was in the midst of planning the Fall Webinar season with the non-profit I serve. My team and I had exciting opportunities to conduct Leadership and Emotional Intelligence Training for university students in Romania, Ukraine, Latvia, Poland and Russia. I sent my nieces and nephews an enthusiastic text about all the work ahead of us.
What was I expecting to receive in return? I don’t really know. What I did not expect is what I received from one nephew. He wrote:
“That’s nice. Congratulations. And I appreciate this as an attempt to stay in touch with us, but I can’t help but feel that a conversation requires inquiries as well as statements. We receive updates on your life and your children’s lives, but I don’t believe you’ve ever asked what any of us are doing.”
Whoa. Whatever it was I thought I was doing was not at all being received as I had hoped.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
I train university students in emotional intelligence, which of course includes self-awareness. Huh. I thought I had some. Self-awareness, that is.
Look again at the Knock-Knock joke. It is funny, right? Except, it is also instructive. Sometimes there is a door between us and other people. Sometimes, it is “adore” that separates us. Our English word “adore” comes from the Latin adorare which combines ad—“to”—and orare—“speak.” What we adore we tend to “speak to” or “speak of.” Apparently, when it comes to my nephews and nieces, what I adore is me, mine, and myself.
My son-in-law tells his three daughters this quip when they argue over toys: “Sharing is caring.” I thought that was what I was doing—showing care by sharing. Turns out, we show care by showing we care.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is based on two factors: 1) What we see; and, 2) What we do. EQ is about seeing and managing ourselves, but also seeing and managing relationships with other people. There are the four components of EQ:
Awareness is seeing. Managing is doing.
In regard to my interactions with my nephews and nieces, I was neither seeing myself, nor them, and managing neither myself nor our relationship.
EQ and You
If you are in independent insurance distribution, or an independent financial professional, your business is people. EQ is a requirement!
A study by the Association of Financial Advisers found that what differentiates leading advisers in the eyes of clients are actually the interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence that complement the adviser’s technical skills. “Clients rated capabilities such as empathy, listening and understanding client needs a massive 82 percent above professional reputation, quality of advice and other factors.”1
Earlier this year, thought leaders in the financial planning space gathered online for the AICPA’s 2021 Personal Financial Planning (PFP) Summit. “Looking to the future, the vast majority of attendees said it will be more important for financial planners to manage their clients’ emotional state moving forward than it has been in the past. And to be successful in the future, the top three most-cited skills planners will need, in addition to technical skills, are emotional intelligence, interpersonal communication, and adaptability.”2 (Author’s emphasis)
I like this definition of EQ:
“Emotional intelligence is that ability you have that allows you to be smart about your feelings and emotions. Those who are emotionally intelligent are also smart when it comes to sensing the feelings and emotions of others.”3
It helps to begin by looking at the background of the word “intelligence.” The term comes to us from two Latin root words legere—to “choose or select”—and inter—“between.”
Combined, these words literally mean “the ability to choose between” options and to make the better choice.
What is the impact of emotions on our ability to make good choices?
Test Your Level of EQ:
1. Are you someone who listens with your eyes as well as your ears? Do you listen beyond just what is being said by paying attention to the manner in which it is being said? Are you hearing the meaning of what is being said?
2. In your work or practice are you asking questions that convey care and concern when interacting with others? (What I obviously failed to do with my nieces and nephews.)
3. Are you able to distinguish between your personal reactions to facts and circumstances and the reactions of your clients and associates?
4. Are you in the moment, and very present when speaking with others? Or, when they are speaking, are you thinking of what you are going to say next?
5. Do you control your anxieties, anger, frustrations, and disappointments such that they are not influencing what you can see in others?
6. Do you control your own biases? Do you keep yourself from assuming what someone else believes by actively seeking their viewpoints?
Leaning into Empathy
I think the response from my nephew hit me hard because I saw my failure to demonstrate empathy. Empathy is purposefully tuning in and sensing the emotions of others.
“There are three main types of empathy: Cognitive, Emotional, and Compassionate.
Empathy is where independent financial professionals, brokerage general agents, and wholesalers can add a lot of value to the people they serve. The better we can understand why people feel, act, and do what they do, the more successful we will be.
Practicing Empathy:
Summary
The title of this article is “EQ=2xTC.” This stands for: Emotional Intelligence Yields Twice the Number of Trusting Clients
In May of 2020, the MDRT published a study that found that Americans deem emotional intelligence the most trustworthy quality in an advisor.
“Americans would be more likely to trust advice from advisors who:
Bottom line: Unlike IQ which we are born with and cannot change, EQ can be improved. It starts with internal reorientation, redetermining purpose, reevaluating priorities, and choosing to change.
In our roles in financial services we want to influence or inspire others. This begins with being transparent and genuine, by being our true selves. More than friendliness, trust is required. Trust is built through empathy. Empathy leads to genuinely discovering the best outcomes in each situation and finding common ground with people of all backgrounds.
Personal application:
My nieces never contributed to the conversation last August. I have made no progress in their direction. However, I listened to my two nephews. Since I do not live near them, last September I invited them to speak with me over Zoom. Starting then we began to meet for 60-90 minutes on Saturday afternoons twice a month. They appreciate the fact that I am asking questions about them. I promised them that I would act differently than before and am following up on that. They are both avid readers. I asked them if they would enjoy reading a book and discussing it on our Zoom calls. They said they would and suggested the book, “To Begin Where I Am: Selected Essays,” by Czeslaw Milosz.
Not only has my self-awareness improved, but I have also gained close relationships with these amazing young men!
What about you? I invite you to join me in growing your EQ!
References: